Screenshots
Watch trailer on Steam ↗Lovehammer 400 000: The Buttlerian Crusade
Nerd Commando Game Studios · Published by Nerd Commando Game Studios
Content notice: Our game does not contain any depicted nudity but it's centered around the eternal dispute of "ass versus tits" so it has some obviously raunchy themes.
7 user reviews — 43% positive (7 reviews)
Last updated 27 Sept 2026
In this turn based roguelite/puzzle parody you assume the command of Astro Commando squad, assigning them to assault, assist and assassination missions. Use the vast assortment of unique gear & skills to assert your dominance over nefarious Order of the B.O.O.B. Astro Commandos, Assemble!
DJCTQ 14
£8.50
Lowest price we've ever recorded
View on SteamPrices can lag the live Steam store — always confirm before buying.
£8.50
Price history
3 Sept 2026Lowest: £8.50 · Highest: £8.5013 Oct 2026
Indie, RPG, Strategy · 2023 · More £5 - £15 games
Lead your squad against the B.O.O.B. Order in this turn-based roguelite puzzle game from Nerd Commando Game Studios, where each mission is a strategic challenge with unique gear and skills at your disposal.
About this game
The Royalium of the Man was founded by a mysterious entity that is known only as The King. Some say he's an ancient Assyrian shaman, some say he's an alien, some say he's a retired rock star - no one knows for sure. What's assertive is that he has managed to kickstart a psychic evolution of the human race - by focusing real hard on a female ass, the male mind, in its willingness to reproduce and survive, can unleash the colossal psychic potential.
With this knowledge The King has lead the humanity in conquering the entire universe. Then, as he wanted to push the man's limits even further, he has constructed four planet-sized supercomputers so they would calculate the scientifically perfect shape of a female ass to focus on.
The AIs, however, has found the whole concept to be rather unscientifical and have decided that it's their duty to return the humanity to more enlightened ways. As they felt that the humans in their current state will never understand any proper language, they've fashioned themselves as "The Order of the B.O.O.B". Their experiments have unraveled that over-focusing on the pesky tits brought the subjects out of hyper-psionic state and thus into what the AIs considered as "sanity".
This lead to a colossal civil war that spanned across the entire universe and lasted for four hundred thousand years. But now, finally, mankind has hope - the pinnacle of our species, Astro Commandos assemble to repel the rebellous invaders once and for all. The Buttlerian Crusade begins.
Features:
- A Roguelite with Puzzle and Tactical elements - think Darkest Dungeon meets Into the Breach meets Puzzle Quest, with a dash of Slay the Spire on a top.
- A game for the men who love big brains
- Hardcore combat - you'll have to think hard to win.
- Prestigious fanservice - we're no porn peddlers, we're men of culture.
- Hilarious Astro Commando constructor.
- Lots of tough choices.
- The game parodizes many revered sci-fi and fantasy classics such as the works of Frank Herbert, Robert A. Heinlein or Michael Moorcock.
- Beautiful art style.
- Unique physics engine.
- Great OST.
- High Replayability.
With this knowledge The King has lead the humanity in conquering the entire universe. Then, as he wanted to push the man's limits even further, he has constructed four planet-sized supercomputers so they would calculate the scientifically perfect shape of a female ass to focus on.
The AIs, however, has found the whole concept to be rather unscientifical and have decided that it's their duty to return the humanity to more enlightened ways. As they felt that the humans in their current state will never understand any proper language, they've fashioned themselves as "The Order of the B.O.O.B". Their experiments have unraveled that over-focusing on the pesky tits brought the subjects out of hyper-psionic state and thus into what the AIs considered as "sanity".
This lead to a colossal civil war that spanned across the entire universe and lasted for four hundred thousand years. But now, finally, mankind has hope - the pinnacle of our species, Astro Commandos assemble to repel the rebellous invaders once and for all. The Buttlerian Crusade begins.
Features:
- A Roguelite with Puzzle and Tactical elements - think Darkest Dungeon meets Into the Breach meets Puzzle Quest, with a dash of Slay the Spire on a top.
- A game for the men who love big brains
- Hardcore combat - you'll have to think hard to win.
- Prestigious fanservice - we're no porn peddlers, we're men of culture.
- Hilarious Astro Commando constructor.
- Lots of tough choices.
- The game parodizes many revered sci-fi and fantasy classics such as the works of Frank Herbert, Robert A. Heinlein or Michael Moorcock.
- Beautiful art style.
- Unique physics engine.
- Great OST.
- High Replayability.
System Requirements
Will my PC run this? →Minimum
Minimum:
- OS *: Windows 7
- Processor: Dual-core 2.4 GHz
- Memory: 4 GB RAM
- DirectX: Version 9.0
- Storage: 3 GB available space
Supported Languages
English, Russian
Latest news
AnnouncementsOfficial
Release version is out!!!
Astro Commandos, Assemble! Release version of the game is out so it's time to hit that nefarious Order of B.O.O.B right in the titty! These things should be longer but that's pretty much all I have after five long years of development. Outside of the fact that, should this thing catch on, we have a huge plans for development so this finale is really only a start.Read full article on Community Announcements (nerdcommando.gamestudios)Patch NotesOfficial
Full Release is delayed by a week or two
But don't feel too disappointed - 99% of the game is already in the early access so if you want to check out, there's not much reason to wait. The delay is more about trying to cram a bit more help/tutorial inside the game so people will have easier time to get in - our game is awesome but does need some time to learn all the ropes and we want to make this process go a bit smoother.Read full article on Community Announcements (nerdcommando.gamestudios)AnnouncementsOfficial
Full Release in three weeks - on April 10th
On the second week of April the game will finally exit the early access. What's to expect in the full version: - Commando Squad Assembler: gives you a full control over your squad's initial setup and their equipment. And, should it feel too overwhelming, there's a "suggest a decent squad" button that'll provide 30 decent presets for each Assembly. - Non-combat events will provide some challenging economical choices. - Serious rebalance of combat, skills and abilities. - UI enhancements for more comfortable play.Read full article on Community Announcements (nerdcommando.gamestudios)Patch NotesOfficial
Small hotfix
Fixed crashes on Ragepost! & Knightly Assault combo.Read full article on Community Announcements (nerdcommando.gamestudios)AnnouncementsOfficial
Major Early Access Rework is Out
We've promised to release a major update this month - well, we're doing it. TBH, after a year and a half of hard work, I'm a bit speechless. I'm not even sure how you make a changelog as the change is almost everything - the rough concept of the game is the same, but the entire point is that it is not one tenth as rough as it was. It's still a hardcore game for people who like tough battles - something like a crossbreed of Into the Breach and Darkest Dungeon, with a dash of Slay the Spire added. But whereas previously the major challenge lied in understanding what the hell is going on in the game, now we've added layers upon layers of useful interface so you can track all that stuff easily - state of the enemies, condition of your commandos, special attack properties, morale, accuracy, everything is visible right now. The interface can use some further polishing, but it's mostly minor things - all major stuff has been done. The build is slightly rushed out - we've tried to release before all the sales hype begin, after all. But at least it doesn't crash & burn that often, so it should be mostly fine, I believe. I really want to believe that. Fight on, little build that could, fight on! OK, now I hope you'll join the prestigious ranks of Astro Commandos and, with your glorious commando comrades, will do some Buttlerian Crusading all right.Read full article on Community Announcements (nerdcommando.gamestudios)
