Screenshots
Watch trailer on Steam ↗Family Jewels
Michael McCartney · Published by Blue Mana
5 user reviews — 80% positive (5 reviews) · 22 achievements
Last updated 27 Sept 2026
Spend some time in Walnut Grove, where you never know who you might run into.
£7.19
Lowest price we've ever recorded
View on SteamPrices can lag the live Steam store — always confirm before buying.
£7.19
Price history
3 Sept 2026Lowest: £7.19 · Highest: £7.199 Oct 2026
Action, Adventure, Indie, Casual · 2017 · More £5 - £15 games
Venture into the whimsical streets of Walnut Grove and meet unexpected characters in Family Jewels, an action-packed adventure from developer Michael McCartney.
About this game
Spend some time in Walnut Grove, where you never know who you might run into.
"A game about punting people in the pud. Good, clean fun." -PC Gamer
Features:
I'm constantly adding to the game, so if you have any requests, I'd love to hear them.
-Michael McCartney
"A game about punting people in the pud. Good, clean fun." -PC Gamer
Features:
- Exploration
- Collecting Jewels
- Minigames
- Kicking people (who look like famous people but totally aren't) in the spindronies
I'm constantly adding to the game, so if you have any requests, I'd love to hear them.
-Michael McCartney
System Requirements
Will my PC run this? →Minimum
Minimum:
- OS *: Microsoft Windows XP/Vista/7/8/8.1 (64-bit)
- Processor: Intel Core 2 Duo, 3.0GHz or AMD Athlon 64 X2 6400+, 3.2GHz
- Memory: 4 GB RAM
- Graphics: nVIDIA GeForce GTX 260, 512 MB or ATI Radeon HD 5670, 512 MB
- DirectX: Version 9.0c
- Storage: 2500 MB available space
Recommended
Recommended:
- OS *: 64bit Versions of Windows 7, Windows 8, Windows 10
- Processor: AMD FX-8150 or Intel Core i5 4670K
- Memory: 8 GB RAM
- Graphics: AMD R9 290 or Nvidia GTX780
- DirectX: Version 11
- Storage: 2500 MB available space
Supported Languages
English*
*languages with full audio support
*languages with full audio support
Latest news
Press Coverage
Even for a game about kicking people in the junk, Family Jewels is odd
Family Jewels is a game about punting people in the pud. Good, clean fun. Who hasn't wanted to take out their aggressive impulses on innocent passersby who are minding their own business? (Besides people who are calm and well-adjusted, I suppose.) Those urges were my undoing. They led me to discover The Man's limited patience, Grim Consequence's role in society, and how poorly prepared I am to live life outside the lines. It's best if I start from the beginning. Despite its promise to set me free in "Walnut Grove", Family Jewels trapped me at work. A sterile open office of cubicles, with all the doors locked and nobody else to keep me company. A box to trap the will and the mind and the soul. That this is a videogame only made things worse: I had no way of interacting with anything other than to destroy, kicking and smashing the blank-screened computers that surrounded me. As in life, pushing against the boundaries came with consequences. A man in a suit—The Man—came to admonish me. The consequences of my actions, given human form, he was sent to punish me for my transgressions. The only thing that could possibly be worse than being talked down to by your boss is being talked down to by your boss in quotes from Office Space. I reacted with pure animal instinct, doing the one thing I could think to do, using the one weapon Family Jewels armed me with: I nailed him right in the junk. As the quote-spamming simulacrum reeled on the floor, I fled Grim Consequence for the first time. Once you've slipped the boundaries of your life, there's the tendency to push it as far as you can. At the grocery store, I could run and leap through the aisles—there was no one here to stop me. At first, this was to no apparent end. I kicked the ATM. It had no effect. When other shoppers appeared, I kicked them too, sending them to the tiles in agony. I like to think it was because they were in my way, but ...Read full article on PC Gamer
