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My Ransomware Can't Be This Cute?!

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My Ransomware Can't Be This Cute?!

The Seppuku Commission · Published by The Seppuku Commission

Last updated 28 Sept 2026

You've been hacked by a sentient malware! And now she wants to play a little card-flipping game with you... Deduce where the evil cards are with facts and logic, or just trust your gut and go for your million-dollar card. Game breaking builds are encouraged!

Free to PlayComing SoonDJCTQ l

Free

View on Steam

Prices can lag the live Steam store — always confirm before buying.

Simulation, Strategy · More free games

About this game

Welcome to your new favorite computer virus :3

You downloaded a rather suspicious .exe file, and now your computer has been hijacked by Ransomware-chan, a sentient malware! To get rid of her, just beat her game: a tense card-flipping deckbuilder about pushing your luck and logical deduction.

TRUST NO CARD.

  • The Ultimate Push-Your-Luck Loop: Read the board carefully, calculate the odds, and deduce where the evil cards hide using your high IQ. Or throw logic out the window and just start flipping random cards. Either way, the punishment for greed is brutal.

  • A Sentient, Bratty Opponent: She has a personality, and she's not on your side. Expect taunts, fourth-wall breaks, and a retro-PC interface she'll creatively play with to mess with your head >:3

  • Draft, Upgrade, Break the Game: Discover super-duper overpowered combos!! Ransomware-chan will reward you for breaking the game ^w^ Draft your deck carefully to bend the rules of probability (or expected value if you're a smartass) in your favor.

FEATURES:

  • Retro-PC Aesthetic: Immerse yourself in a highly stylized operating system environment. Woooah epileptic 2000s vaporwave fever dream :o

  • Deep Replayability: Unpredictable malware behavior, super wacky card interactions, and endless deck archetypes keep every run fresh.

  • Every Flip Hits Different: That tense feeling before gambling everything on a single card-flip... we've tuned the gameplay to maximize the intense relief of flipping good cards, and the heart-attack-inducing fear of flipping bad cards.

Are you feeling lucky? Do you intend to delete the malware or stay with her forever?

System Requirements

Will my PC run this? →

Minimum

Minimum:
  • OS: Windows 10, 11 x64
  • Processor: Intel Core i3
  • Memory: 1 GB RAM
  • Graphics: OpenGL 2.1 compatible graphics card, integrated graphics
  • Storage: 150 MB available space

Supported Languages

English, French, Italian, German, Spanish - Spain, Japanese, Korean, Simplified Chinese, Traditional Chinese

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