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Watch trailer on Steam ↗The Useless Wizard
The Useless Dev · Published by The Useless Publisher
Mostly Positive — 78% positive (18 reviews)
Last updated 28 Sept 2026
An alcoholic wizard with no spells, only rocks, must save his village from depraved monster hordes. Tactical action, chaotic weapon combos, and dark humor collide in this unique twist on the Vampire Survivors formula!
£4.29
Lowest price we've ever recorded
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Price history
Action, Indie, Early Access, Casual · 2025 · More under £5 games
Navigate treacherous battles with unexpected twists as The Useless Wizard, where strategy meets slapstick in this 2025 indie action game.
About this game
The village is under attack. Grotesque monster hordes suddenly appear, and the villagers place their last hope in the only wizard around… an alcoholic retiree who knows absolutely no spells. His one and only weapon? Rocks. Lots of rocks.
In The Useless Wizard, absurd humor meets tactical action. Each “day” lasts 5 minutes, during which you must protect the village women from monsters. If they reach the left edge of the screen, they’ll carry one off, and if they’re all gone, you lose.
But even with nothing but stones, a true wizard can adapt. Upgrade your throws, stack dozens of ridiculous abilities, and unleash chaotic weapon combos that turn every run into total mayhem… often uncontrollable.
Key Features:
⚔️ A tactical twist on Vampire Survivors: manage enemies on both horizontal and vertical planes.
🪨 A pathetic yet lovable hero: an alcoholic wizard with no spells, armed only with rocks.
😂 Absurd, tongue-in-cheek humor: silly monsters, bizarre abilities, and unpredictable situations.
🔥 Unlimited combos: every upgrade stacks—no exceptions—leading to powerful, hilarious, and sometimes disastrous effects.
⏳ Fast-paced sessions: survive “day” after “day,” 5 minutes each, with new enemies and bosses gaining powers over time.
Saving a village with a useless wizard might sound impossible. Maybe it is… but at least it’ll be hilarious.
System Requirements
Will my PC run this? →Minimum
- Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system
- OS: Windows 10 64 bits
- Processor: Dual Core 3 GHz
- Graphics: NVIDIA® GeForce® GTX 960 or higher
- DirectX: Version 11
- Storage: 100 MB available space
Recommended
- Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system
- OS: Windows 10 64 bits
- Processor: Quad Core 3 GHz
- Graphics: NVIDIA® GeForce® GTX 2060 or higher
- DirectX: Version 11
- Storage: 100 MB available space
Supported Languages
Latest news
AnnouncementsOfficial
🧙♂️ The Useless Wizard is now available in Early Access! 🎉
It’s official, the village’s most incompetent wizard has stumbled out of retirement!Monsters are invading, villagers are screaming, and apparently… no one else wants to deal with it.You play as Rincebrew, a wizard with zero spells, armed only with rocks, sarcasm, and very questionable motivation.Your mission? Save the village, or die trying (most likely both).🧪 Why Early Access?Because we want to build this disaster with you!Your feedback will shape upcoming updates, enhance core gameplay, new competences, balancing, new areas, bosses...👉 Play it now, discover the true power of rock-throwing, and help us make this useless wizard a little less useless!And don’t forget…💖 Add the game to your wishlist (yes, again), share it, and tell us what you think, it really helps us A LOT!Read full article on Community Announcements (Tyler)Community & EventsOfficial
The Useless Wizard demo is live for the Steam Next Fest! 🧙♂️
It’s happening! The village is under attack, monsters are everywhere, and the only “hero” around is… a retired alcoholic wizard with no magic who only throws rocks. Yes, rocks.Embrace the chaos, try to save a few villagers, and see how a completely useless wizard can become (almost) legendary!🧪 The demo is available now during the Steam Next Fest — come play, laugh, and throw some rocks like it’s your destiny!And most importantly: 👉 Add the game to your wishlist — it’s super important and helps us A LOT! 💖Read full article on Community Announcements (Tyler)
